Another week, another series of MTGO drafts. Ever since the surprising success (I use the phrase loosely) of last week’s Pretty Draft, I’ve taken to trying out interesting combinations of cards. Every time I don’t draft an awesome Chromaticore deck, I die a bit inside.

Here’s a recap from a recent Swiss draft:

Pack 1 pick 1:

Master of the birds, bringing down the swift talon of justice. B/W is my favorite color combination, and I’m kinda hoping that Fated Return wheels because it looks absolutely amazing and I will play it no matter what.

My Pick:

Pack 1 pick 2:

Whim of the Fates looks like a good time and I’d totally build around that card. But for the sake of pride (and MTGO financing), I’d like to actually win a few games this time around.

My Pick:

Pack 1 pick 3:

The sky-helix does serious work.

My Pick:

Pack 1 pick 4:

Not really sure where I was going with this. In retrospect, the Servant would have been a much better card. In combination with Scholar of Atheros and big, durdly bodies, that card ends games.

My Pick:

Pack 1 pick 5:

Gotta take the cloud walk. Hammer time is still around, which was a bit surprising.

My Pick:

Pack 1 pick 6:

I instantly regretted not taking the hammer. Moving into red at this point.

My Pick:

Pack 1 pick 7:

More red.

My Pick:

Pack 1 pick 8:

Sometimes I think my brain shuts off randomly during draft, and the only evidence I have of that happening are these draft records.

My Pick:

Pack 1 pick 9:

FATED RETURN IS BACK.

My Pick:

Pack 1 pick 10:

I definitely missed out on a Whims of the Fates/Fated Return combo deck. Whims of the Return? Fated Fates? BR Oops-I-Just-Destroyed-All-Of-My-Permanents?

My Pick:

Pack 1 pick 11:

Late removal is good removal.

My Pick:

Pack 1 pick 12:

Intimidation AND cantrips. An objectively worse Stratus Walk in most situations, I think. But this card ends up being a key player.

My Pick:

Pack 1 pick 13:

My Pick:

Pack 1 pick 14:

My Pick:

Pack 1 pick 15:

My Pick:

Pack 2 pick 1:

Disappointing pack, but at this point I think I’m firmly in UB.

My Pick:

Pack 2 pick 2:

I love this card.

My Pick:

Pack 2 pick 3:

And this guy isn’t too shabby either. I like UB’s ability to make life absolutely miserable for people attempting to attack into you.

My Pick:

Pack 2 pick 4:

This is where it begins. Colossus of Akroas was a monster. There were some initial concerns about his casting cost, but if you’re playing a control-y (read: slow and kind of borning) UB deck, you’ll probably hit 8 mana consistently anyways.

My Pick:

Pack 2 pick 5:

This scrub considers Naiad the best common in the format.

My Pick:

Pack 2 pick 6:

More UB fluff.

My Pick:

Pack 2 pick 7:

Oh boy. To be honest, I didn’t even know what this card did. But after giving the text a cursory glance, I snapped it up. Think of the possibilities!

My Pick:

Pack 2 pick 8:

My Pick:

Pack 2 pick 9:

My Pick:

Pack 2 pick 10:

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Pack 2 pick 11:

My Pick:

Pack 2 pick 12:

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Pack 2 pick 13:

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Pack 2 pick 14:

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Pack 2 pick 15:

My Pick:

Pack 3 pick 1:

I didn’t think I was playing an Ordeal deck. There’s a strong case for a second Wavecrash Triton, but I was in some sore need of some removal.

My Pick:

Pack 3 pick 2:

Deathtouch—fun for me, but not for your Asp.

My Pick:

Pack 3 pick 3:

Was hoping this guy would come around. Glad the Merchant made a guest appearance in my deck.

My Pick:

Pack 3 pick 4:

Black mana symbols.

My Pick:

Pack 3 pick 5:

Whip it good.

My Pick:

Pack 3 pick 6:

My Pick:

Pack 3 pick 7:

I wasn’t expecting to play this card, and I definitely didn’t expect it to do anything. Defied expectations all over the place.

My Pick:

Pack 3 pick 8:

My Pick:

Pack 3 pick 9:

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Pack 3 pick 10:

My Pick:

Pack 3 pick 11:

Hey, what’s this guy still doing here.

My Pick:

Pack 3 pick 12:

My Pick:

Pack 3 pick 13:

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Pack 3 pick 14:

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Pack 3 pick 15:

My Pick:

After some head-scratching and soul-searching, I present UB Colossus of Devastation and Glory.

This is how I would like to sum up my following games:

 

The deck went 2-1, winning an unlikely four games in a row before falling to a WGR Heroic deck (apparently, double Wingsteed Rider into double Ordeal is pretty good. Go figure.)

I had the cards needed to stall for a long time. Retraction Helix + Wavecrash Triton gave me huge tempo swings. Even if I didn’t manage to get Colossus online, Horizon Scholar and Siren of the Fanged Coast served as fine backup win conditions.

Confirmed kills:

Colossus of Akroas" data-card-name="Colossus of Akroas">Colossus of Akroas – 2

Horizon Scholar – 1

March of the Returned + Grey Merchant of Asphodel – 1

Taking a page from Monique’s book, I’ve decided to evaluate individual card performances. Unlike Monique, instead of using a helpful scale of smiley emoticons, I’ve included completely irreverent animal gifs. Sometimes you just want to pretend you’re writing articles for Buzzfeed. (What Planeswalker Should You Date? Ten Cool Things You Should Do On Your Upkeep!)

Hover over the card name to see its image!

Anvilwrought Raptor

I was never really happy to draw this card. Combined with a Bestow’d Baleful Eidolon, it served as an attack deterrent for a few turns in one game, but didn’t do much else.

 

 Rescue from the Underworld

This card was completely situation but absolutely hilarious when I managed to resolve it. My favorite play was a turn five Colossus of Akroas, because my opponent unwisely forced me to discard it using a Disciple of Phenax. A double Grey Merchant combo gave me a twelve point life swing that helped me close out a tough game.

Psychic Intrusion

I really wanted this card to work, and it almost went the distance. But my only two hits ended up being an Ordeal (less useful on turn fourteen) and a small creature. Most of the time, I just wished it was a five mana Voyage’s End or something.

Retraction Helix

The deck’s common-rarity blue-colored one-mana all-star. Just don’t be like me and throw a won game by putting it on a creature with summoning sickness. This column is called Scrub Report for a reason, I guess.

Colossus of Akroas

He was a beating.

This is Colossus going against a Monstrous Hythonia the Cruel. Like his friend Charging Badger, he doesn’t really give a fuck.

Moral of the story? Sometimes, bad players really do get lucky. And the sweetest draft victories comes from the most unlikely decks. Everyone likes a good underdog story, except for maybe the people who just lost to a 20/20 trampler.

Tony is the Hipsters’ resident scrub. He lives and studies in Philadelphia. Follow him @holophr.